I know this is a bit dark, but it’s raining here and I was bored in between classes! I have recently challenged myself to write short stories, whether it be my thoughts or an idea that pops into my head. It’s allowed me to really explore some of the darker (and lighter!) facets of human existence. Let me know what you think. Enjoy!
Why do we want the things we want? Sometimes I think we want things out of spite. To throw it in someone’s face and say, “I won.” But where does this get us — this endless one-upping? We’re told when we’re children that jealousy and covetry are petty emotions. Yet here we are.
Jealousy is a very basic human emotion, driven by our egos want of control. Many of the most ruthless, powerful leaders of the ancient world were driven to their genius (and madness) by ego — Caesar, Alexander the Great, Nero to name a few. There infamous leaders were driven to glory and their graves by wanting the unobtainable “more”.
It’s something that’s out of our control. no amount of meditation and self-help books will allow us to unconsciously let go and ignore the infatuations of the ego. We’re inherently selfish creature — let no one tell you differently. Our mind’s desires become our prisons, and our actions the jailor, is allowed to reach maturity.
We all suffer silently. Blindly, we turn our eyes and ears skyward and wait for the inspiration of a holy ghost. Blindly, we find meaning in the meaningless. It’s kind of sad really. We waste our precious time on beseeching the void to strike us with enough inspiration to get us through to the next wave of doubt.
I don’t presume to know whether there is or isn’t a god. I don’t see the use in agonizing over something we have no way of understanding. As of late, I find myself becomeing quite nihilistic. Though rejected by many, nihilism makes a lot of sense. It brings clarity to complicated decisions. In the end, what does it really matter? Seriously. What does it rally matter?
Yet there’s so much richness and enjoyment in life. You can go wherever, whenever. You can leave your wife, you can drive your car cross-country, you can tell your boss to fuck off. It’s your life. sack up and take some ownership. What’s stopping you from dropping everything and starting over?
We are truly free. Make that mean something.
Vertical Life 